On making sausage, and writing laws.

As I’ve said, comedy is hard to write. I’ve developed a technique to come up with ideas for sketch comedy at least.

First you need a topic, and a method for delivering the funny So think about random sentences/things that evoke a chuckle, by themselves. Lets give it a go.

*Pudding just can’t satisfy me like it used to.
*Damn Child (silent d)! It's a sports show son!
*Happytown is 79% less happy after being pillaged by Angerville.

Let’s go with Happytown. I like how they’ve pegged this happy percentage, and bad things happening to happy people is morbidly funny.

What’s the delivery method? Just reading the sentence, it could be a newspaper article, a report being given to the governor of either Happytown, or Angerville, or something else. Government sounds funnier than a bunch of journos talking shop, so gov it is.

Let’s start with Angerville.
Ground rules: The residents of Angerville have Brooklyn accents.
Angerville is not allowed to say the word good, happy, or any synonyms derived there from.

Secretary of war: Hello governor. I wish to report the ongoing demoralization project towards our neighbors.
Governor: Just read the damn report jackass! (this is Angrytown after all)
Secretary of war: Aye aye Cap’n fuckstick! (I want the guy to snap a salute, but that seems out of character for Angerville. Grab his jock perhaps? The double deuce?) The citizens of Happytown are 79 percent less joyful then the month preceding our whooping their asses.
Governor: I swear, that last 21% is always a bitch. West Chuckles held on for years. There’s always some kid whistling, or father trying to shield their child from the horrors of war.
Secretary of war: You ain’t fuckin kidding. There is further humiliation in store however. We have been building a device designed to (insert humiliating affect here. I had a few in mind, but this bit has enough gratuitous vulgarity as is.)

Meanwhile, in Happytown. (This strikes me is a good point to check in with Happytown)

Secretary of things are looking up: I conclude my report on the brightside…
Governor: You always do Gladwell.
Secretary of things are looking up: You know me too well Governor X(what’s a good name for the governor of happytown?)
Background: *Chuckles*
Secretary of things are looking up: As I was saying, at least they haven’t built a device designed to (insert the thing that Angerville just built [Originally, I was going to put this as soon as the cut to Happytown happened, but It’s funnier this way.])
Governor: Gladice, please brief me on the status of the department of birthday parties.
Gladice: I am sad to report…
Background: GASP!
Gladice: Unfortunatley…
Background: GASP!
Gladice, irritated: In less then Super terrific
Background: Sigh of relief
Gladice: news, people are now having to make due with not 2 clowns, but one clown.
Governor: That’s a 50% decrease in employment to the Clown union! They’re my base Gladice! This is intolerable! Jones! I’m disbanding the “Department of rolling over and letting the tanks run over us, slowly crushing our spirits! I’m calling in the big guns”.
All in room: GASP!
One lone voice: Can we trust him?
Governor: He’s our only hope people.

Cut to a Pattonesque figure taking the stage in front of a ridiculously huge Happytown flag. All chatter cuts at the sound of a trumpet playing Baby Elephant Walk.

Patton: I want you all to remember, no one has ever won a war by telling a knock-knock joke. You win, by making some other poor dumb bastard die laughing! Now. An army is a comedy troupe. It juggles, jokes, pranks, and cavorts, as a troupe. This standup comedy stuff is a bunch of crap. The bastards writing about that for the Smile-time Gazette wouldn’t know anymore about REAL comedy, than they do about the ol’ Sugar-me-doo.
Now. We have the finest cake, and seltzer bottles, the best Spirit and the grooviest cats this side of new Bongsworth. By Cosby, I actually pity those bastards we’re going up against, by Cosby, I do! We’re not just going to kill the bastards!
Backgrond: What’s left to do?
Patton: We’re going to cut out their guts, and use them to grease the axles of our VW busses!
Background: But why?
Patton, unphased: We’re going to murder those irate bastards, and keep on moving!
Background: Without a burial??
Patton: Now some of you might be worried you’ll chicken out in battle. Well, turn that frown upside down. When you put your hand into a bunch of goo, that used to be your best friends face, and at least he went out with Boston playing on his Ipod, god rest his soul...
Background: Not Jonesie!
Patton: You’ll know what to do… Dismissed.
As Patton walks off stage, you hear him mutter: This was always so much easier in Angryville.

And that’s it. I don’t even want to get back to angryville. I don’t care about the war. As far as I’m concerned, this whole bit turned into a set up for the Patton joke.

Note. This bit is not finished. It needs polish, punching up and specifics. What does Angryville’s weapon do? What’s the Mayors name? Also, Patton is jarring in this scene. Maybe the fact that he used to give pep speeches in Angryville should go before the speech, rather than at the end.