The remorseless confessions of an addict

It started off innocently; as a kid, I always read the paper, just to have something to do at breakfast. First it was the comics. A few years later, and I’m reading the sports section. Shortly after, I perused the Main section, and then the editorial pages. Before I knew it, I was snorting newsprint from the business section off a fresh orange rind every morning before I would go to school/work.

From then on, I couldn’t turn back. I all but stopped listening to the FM dial, for the informational succor of news, and the talk derived there from on the AM dial. I would put down the Washington times and change the station from CNN/ CNBC/ MSNBC, only when the anchorette for the local excuse for a nightly news show would come on.



Still fine, after all these years

Once I found out I could mainline my news straight off the wires over the internet, I was beyond hope. I could get every story, every Revision of every story, as it was put on the wire, right from my computer, at the cost of nothing. It was as if pure, uncut cocaine just started raining from the heavens, and a crackie never had to pay a dealer for a rock. It was euphoric.

I knew I was in trouble when I started getting cought up in the media wars, between internet commentary, and mainstream “reporting”. I was so far gone, I was interested less in the content, and was now concentrating on the Meta-News. News about the news organizations. It’s like a bleeding sport. I have my favorite teams, and rivalries. I cheered when Matt Drudge scooped Newsweek on their own story. I Booed, and hollared until my throat was sore at Dan Rather as he was ushered off of the anchor field.

But now, I wonder, where does my madness go from here? Is even the current international Screwballery capable of quenching my singular thirst for news? Will I find myself 20 years from now, a scandelous gossip, trying to know everything about everyone? Or should I apply for a job with the NSA? Now that I think of it, that sounds promising.